


The Sword on the Stone

by Yvion



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: And make Emrys proud, Chaos, Crack, Episode: s04e12-13 The Sword in the Stone, Fanart Welcome, Fun, Gen, Humor, The troll just want's to help, leon in a dress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24476668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yvion/pseuds/Yvion
Summary: "Are you guys alright?""Yes, but more importantly: What the fuck is going on here?"For some reason Merlin seemed to get embarrassed by the question."I may or may not have accidentally convinced a troll that he's destined to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known."
Comments: 20
Kudos: 34





	1. Is the sword in the stone or a stone on the sword?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **DISCLAIMER**  
>  Not only do I not own BBC’s Merlin… Technically I do not even own this fanfic since I only edited it. Why am I the one posting it then? Glad you asked!  
> You see… This all started when I was goofing around with my boyfriend and one of us had a little tongue twister and said “Stone in the Sword”. Somehow we found that much funnier than it should have been and suddenly we were spewing nonsense around, completely rewriting Arthur’s encounter with Excalibur. By the end we were laughing so hard at the mental image and ended the conversation somewhat like this:  
> “You definitely have to write a fanfic of that!”  
> “Heck no I won’t!”  
> “Then I’ll write it!”  
> “No you won’t.”  
> “Watch me.”  
> So I gave him the rough setting and a list characters, because: ***DRUMMROLL*** He didn’t even watch Merlin.  
> So he actually wrote the thing. And I only edited out what really didn’t make sense considering the canon and streamlined the character’s wording a bit.  
> So here we are. Enjoy the crack! Don’t blame me. I’m sorry. xD

Wind was howling through the trees as Merlin trotted through the woods. He shuddered.

_This had to work._

Somehow Arthur had to return to his former, prattish self.

_Why did the king have to have these insecurities now?_

If it weren't for the dire circumstances, the past day could almost have been funny. No, seeing Arthur as a simpleton _was_ funny. But they didn't have time for that now. They had to reclaim Camelot!

The trees were standing so close together that it was hard to see anything. Merlin barely noticed, as he was lost in thought.

_I have to lead the others to the sword, I need-_

Merlin startled at a sudden movement in front of him. Adrenalin rushing through his veins.

" **Emrys?** ", a low pitched voice growled at him.

"Yes?", Merlin replied. Slowly. While trying to grasp the situation he got himself into. At first glance the creature in front of him resembled a very ugly human. _Maybe a lumberjack?_ Though now, that he had time to think about it, the creature was unlikely to be an ordinary human. It was wearing a rag rug of different armor parts. _And_ it was staring at him.

Somewhere a hawk cried, proudly announcing his presence, causing other animals to be wary and quiet.

"How can I help you?", Merlin tried to break the silence, just to immediately add: "Can it wait? I am quite busy right now-"

At that point Merlin noticed the distinct feeling of magic flowing around his counterpart. _Interesting_.

" **Rag needs no help** ", the creature, Rag, laughed and gave Merlin a friendly pad on the shoulder that almost send him down to his knees. " **Emrys need help?** ".

_It's a troll!,_ Merlin finally realized. How had he not recognized this immediately? Considering the whole fiasco with Arthur's stepmother one would believe he could identify a troll from halfway across the forest. But this specimen didn't reek so much of dung. He smelt more like the forest around him, if a bit penetrant. Also, he seemed much friendlier.

"Well... Camelot was taken by the enemy," Merlin started without thinking.

" **Rag strong. Rag helps** ", the troll replied. _What a helpful fella._ Maybe he had been wrong to throw all trolls into the same pot.

"Thank you Rag," Merlin said. "But I doubt the people would welcome your help. Our King will reclaim Camelot. As soon as Arthur is able to see himself as king again..."

The troll didn't seem convinced. Merlin sighed.

_Well, since Arthur and the rest had to buy the story anyway, I might as well practice it beforehand._

"You know... There is this legend. There is said to be a magic sword in a stone that was hidden inside the forest a long time ago."

" **Not long time ago. No magic sword in forest. Then, year ago: POOF, magic sword in forest. Rag knows forest.** ", Rag objected with a big gesture of his hands.

"It will only show itself at the time of need!", Merlin replied. "The sword is to be taken by The Once and Future King. Only he can pick up the sword. No one else can. And The Once and Future King will use the sword in the stone to free Camelot and usher in the Golden Age of magic and prosperity."

" **If Emrys says so.** " The troll was still not entirely persuaded. It was probably the fact, that following Merlin's logic, the time of need started a year ago, but for the troll something just feld off and he couldn't wrap his head around why. Also, he didn't like the idea that he was unable to sense such a powerful artifact, hidden as it may be, until a year ago. On the other hand, he was speaking to _Emrys_. The troll came to a conclusion. It wasn't like he was not believing Merlin.

" **Then Rag continues hunt. Call Rag if need help** ".

Merlin nodded and the troll disappeared between the trees. "Rag", Merlin called after him.

The troll turned around.

"There is actually one thing you can do. Shortly people will gather in the clearing with the stone. Please, let them pass unharmed."

" **Rag can do that** ", the troll exclaimed proudly, magic glowing in his eyes. He turned around again and continued onward.

Merlin looked at Rag's slowly retreating back. He had tried to examine the creature's magic while they had talked. It felt so distinctly different from 'Lady Cathrina's type of magic. She had relied on illusions and generally crafty, almost filigran, enchantments to achieve her goals. Rag on the other hand channeled his magic directly into his muscles. No finesse at all, but it would certainly get the job done. Only the goddess knew, how strong those arms of his probably were...

* * *

Arthur, although quite doubtful, was following his servant through the woods.

"Are you making this up?", Arthur asked rhetorically.

"Of course not!", Merlin exclaimed indignantly.

"Alright, if it is true, why haven't I heard of this story?", Arthur asks disbelieving.

"Well, history isn't really your strong point, is it?"

"And where is this rock?", Arthur wanted to know.

"Oh, it was lost many years ago during the great purge, _but_ I've managed to find it!"

"I have never heard so much rubbish in my entire live."

"Are you calling Gaius a liar?"

"No, I am calling you an idiot!"

"Well, what is that then?"

The stone came into sight between the trees, only about fifteen meters away. From everywhere knights and other people slowly emerged from the woods, as Arthur and Merlin continued to approach the stone. Men, women and children — _Wait_ a second. Merlin's head turned involuntarily. _Was that-_

"Leon?! Is that you? Why are you wearing a dre–" 

_**THUD.** _

Distracted as he was, Merlin crashed into a tree and managed to promptly knock himself out.

* * *

"Merlin?" Arthur turned around.

_"Idiot"_ , he uttered to himself, as he saw Merlin lying unconscious next to a tree. He waved at Gwen and another, strangely familiar, masculine looking women and commanded them to take care of the fool.

This was not the time to worry about his servant.

If Merlin spoke the truth, only the true king of Camelot could use the sword in front of him. He stepped in front of the sword, gathered all his courage, closed his eyes and grabbed the sword. He took a deep breath and pulled. Nothing happened. He tried again, this time with far more effort. Nothing.

His heart ached. As he had feared, he was not meant to be king.  
Rejected by his own bloodline.  
Powerless.  
Unable to lead.  
Unfit to rule.  
And quite embarrassed in front of all of his knights and subjects. A single tear ran down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away. Even if this announced the end of his rule, he would at least clear the field for whoever was meant to claim the throne. He just hoped, his successor would be the leader his people deserved.

"As I am seemingly not this king of legend... Would anyone else step up to give it a try?", he announced into the clearing.

"Pa! You were nothing more than a miserable excuse of a king from the very beginning. I will do what you can not", Tristan the smuggler proclaimed, which earned him an angry look from Isolde. Tristan and a few others tried their luck with the sword, but to no avail. None of them could lift the sword for even the width of a hair.

* * *

Rag watched the whole event unfold from afar. He doubted, that _Emrys_ would be knocked out this easily, therefore Emrys had to be playing unconscious. He did not understand, _why_ Emrys is was doing that, but then again, who was Rag to understand _The_ Great Emrys himself.

He watched the other humans trying their best to wield the sword, but each and every one of them was failing so pathetically, that it did not take long until no one else wanted to test their luck. Still, Emrys was not moving. That meant, that everything was still working according to his plan. Or at least that he was still waiting for the legend to unfold. But there was no one left to try. Unless...

* * *

Isolde was admiring the sword in the stone. It was very well crafted and obviously fit for royalty. So far no man had been able to so much as nudge the thing. Maybe she should give it a try. _Who knows. Maybe-_ That was when she suddenly spotted the ugliest face she had ever seen between the trees. "Boys! Stop moping around! We've got company!"

Arthur turned around and instantly grabbed his sword. 

"Knights on me!", Arthur shouted.

" **Why so loud?** ", Rag asked as he reached for the sword. He proceeded to grab the sword and lifted it effortlessly — including the still attached rock. He held it above his head and looked a bit puzzled, but very satisfied nonetheless. The way he held it, it looked like a disproportional kind of mace.

This was the moment when Merlin finally woke up again. He found himself next to Sir Leon — who was still wearing his disguise-dress. But before Merlin could ask anything about it, he noticed Rag, who was quite overjoyed. He enthusiastically waved his mace-contraption around.

" **Look Emrys! Rag is Once and Future King!** "

While Arthur rose his sword in the direction of the troll and shouted: "SLAY THE BEAST"

Rag didn't seem to mind this at all. He held his magnificent excalibur-stone-mace high above his head and beamed proudly in Merlin's direction. Rays of sunlight hit the boulder from the backside and framed the whole scene into an almost divine atmosphere.

Merlin had the distinct feeling that he had fucked up destiny.


	2. The Once and Future King's trusty knights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The second chapter for this little cracky thing no one asked for. This time I actually wrote it myself, so there's that. xD  
> Have fun.

**"Emrys! Emrys see? Rag did it!"**

The troll was gleefully swinging the still embedded Excalibur around like a child would showcase its favorite toy. The civilians around the clearing seemed to have a hard time deciding wether to flee or watch the unfolding spectacle. Meanwhile the knights were slowly encircling the magical beast to cut off its escape routes.

Arthur on the other hand was trying to understand why this ugly giant thing was trying to get the attention of his manservant as if expecting to be complimented. This looked an awful lot like a kid trying to gain approval from his father. But that was ridiculous. Even Merlin wouldn't adopt a god forsaken troll.

...

 _Would he?_ He did once take in an injured owl, he had found in the woods. And there was that incident with the boar cub and the unicorn and...

Please don't tell me Merlin adopted a troll.

His servant seemed to come to the aggravating conclusion that yes, this was indeed happening and released a very deep long suffering sigh, which further solidified Arthur's theory.

"Rag? Why are you- Nevermind." He pinched his nose. "Just... Would you please not call me that."

The troll seemed deeply confused by this. **"But Emrys is Emrys."** , it stated as if announcing that the sky was blue.

Arthur grabbed Merlin and pulled him away from the beast. "Merlin, care to explain why this thing is calling you by a name I have never heard before? How does it even know you?"

"We met in the woods this morning. He took one glance at me and started calling me Emrys. I had no say in the matter." _'Very smooth'_ , Merlin thought to himself. Technically not even a lie.

"And in all your constant chattering you didn't think it prone to inform me that there is a freaking troll on the loose in these woods?!"

"He's harmless! And we had more important things to do. Still have actually. So if you would excuse me. I think we need to reclaim a city."

With that Merlin turned on his heels and walked back to Rag, leaving a flabbergasted Arthur behind.

___________________________________________________________

_Just a few hours later..._

Gwain woke up groaning.

That in itself was nothing unusual of course. But usually his pain was more or less limited to his head. Right now he had trouble finding a single bone in his body that didn't feel sprained at least. The fact that his empty stomach protested the meager rations of the last days didn't help either.

_How long could he go on like this?_

The beat up knight looked around his cell. Elyan had fallen into a fitful sleep beside Gaius. He was tossing and turning while muttering nonsensical words. The physician on the other hand was still... stock-still. As if he was—

Ignoring his many injuries Gwain hurried over to the cot and listened closely.

Still breathing. He was still breathing. _Thank god_. He resolved himself. He would get them out of here and if it was the last thing he would do, damnit!

**BANG!**

Gwain turned around to the ruckus as his companions startled awake. To his astonishment the reinforced wooden door of the prison entrance had been catapulted out of its hinges and was now laying scattered in splinters across the room.

"God damnit, Rag! Stop demolishing the castle!"

That was definitely the princess. He would recognize that outraged indignant voice anywhere. So they were finally getting rescued. Unwillingly Gwain's whole body relaxed as he was finally giving in to his exhaustion.

And then an enormous ugly creature stomped inside the prison.

Gwain stared. He was wide awake again. The thing was hoisting a sword onto his shoulder. That wouldn't have been memorable, if said sword hadn't been embedded inside a freaking massive boulder. What the blazes was going on here? He heard Arthur barking out orders from the outside as Merlin stumbled in after the monstrosity. Gwain wanted to shout at his stupidity brave friend to run and save himself, but didn't get that far as the thing approached his cell.

**"You knights of Camelot?"** , it grunted.

The knight glanced at Merlin, who was standing behind the creature seemingly unconcerned. So he answered tentatively: "... Yes? And... who are you?"

**"Rag new king of Camelot!"** , it announced proudly as it raised his sword-stone-thingy, whatever, as if it would proove something. **"Knights of Camelot are my knights. Follow me and I free you."**

"Err..." He looked at Merlin for explanation. He didn't get any. Instead he got a shrug and an amused nod of confirmation. Well... If Merlin rolled with it: "Sure. All hail the king."

The new King of Camelot gave a mighty approving nod at that. Gwain only just managed to leap out of the way as he crashed his boulder into the cell door, which promptly got smashed out of it's hinges and clattered down at the opposite wall.

**"Knights free. Now we claim kingdom."**

Without fanfare his new liege turned around and purposely marched out of the prison. He checked on the others. Elyan had shielded Gaius from the brunt of the debris. Both seemed quite gobsmacked, but overall aright.

Merlin entered the busted cell. "Are you guys alright?"

"Yes, but more importantly: What the fuck is going on here?"

For some reason he seemed to get embarrassed by the question.

"I may or may not have accidentally convinced a troll that he is destined to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known."

No one dared to comment on that as they were busy trying to process this. The silence reigned until there was a crash somewhere in the distance. Some shouting. Another crash.

"I, err... should probably take care of that."

The ex-prisoners watched as Merlin hurried out of the room. They shared a confused look between themselves before Gwain ran after Merlin.

Screw his injuries. There was _no way in hell_ he would miss this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to the lovely "MyPandaEatsBroccoli". You are the only reason, this ever got pulished and if there are a handful of people out there that enjoyed this, there might even be a third chapter featuring a very confused Morgana, an Arthur that has completely lost his sh*t, a Merlin that just want's to sink into the ground until the world has forgotten all about him and a very enthusiastic first knight in King Rag's royal court.

**Author's Note:**

> PS: If there are some people out there, who actually find this funny, we might continue this story.  
> “Why?” you might ask? Because imagine _KILGHARRAH!_


End file.
